its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
