like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
