dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
