3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
