I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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