just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
