matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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