We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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