Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
