You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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