I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
