Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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