My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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