Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
