It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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