Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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