does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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