You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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