So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk is not a location!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
