Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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