I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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