I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
