This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
