"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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