dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i think im in europe. pls send help
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
