All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
