After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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