The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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