I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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