U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
