Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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