ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
