he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
