the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
