tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
