Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
