no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
