butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sorry my hands just texted you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
