So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
