i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
