Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
