if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I want a musical about memes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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