Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
