At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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