Pregnant stripper...not hot.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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