Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
