I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
