I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just come out here and I will go home with you...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
