Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
