I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
