why didn't you poke me back
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
