Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
