You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
